More goodbyes.....more tears...

Well, today I am very down.  Yesterday, I had to make the very tough decision to put one of our dogs down.  Molly has been with me for 8 years.  She was another doxie that I rescued from a puppy mill up in Woodland Park.  She was 5 when we got her and she was so shy.  One of the first days we had her at home, Tiana and I couldn't find her.  We thought she had gotten out, we looked all through the house, I drove around the neighborhood several times, we walked around the neighborhood.  We were devastated, Tiana and I cried.  Well later that night we were sitting on our couch and we heard this horrible howl.  It was a sickening cry that we would soon learn was Molly's "I am all alone" cry.  She was underneath our sectional couch, hiding.  It was one of many times that she disappeared but soon we realized that she hid when she was scared and would come out on her own when she was ready.  Molly was my baby, she was the sweetest dog.  She lost all her teeth (because they were so rotten when we got her), she was partially deaf but she was my baby.  She would follow me everywhere, she was my shadow.  She was always there when I turned around.  She has been through 4 moves with me and many sleepless nights.  She slept with me until I married Wil and she always had to be touching you. She always wagged her tail when she saw me.  Last year she had what we think was a stroke.  She lost the use of her back legs and she worked hard to come back from that.  She got almost all of the use of her legs back but she still wobbled a bit.  It was funny because she would start to run and forget that her back legs didn't work quite right and all of the sudden she would go head over heals in an awkward way.  This last move was the best for her.  She loved our land.  She would wander the whole 2 acres and she would run at times like she was a puppy even though she was almost 13 (which is very old for a doxie).  What was interesting is she learned on her own what the boundaries of our property was.  We don't have a fence and yet she would rarely go off the property.  Even when chasing wildlife, usually she would stop at the property line.  She would sit in our front window and watch the birds and bark at people walking past our house.  She would see Wil's car drive in and she would get excited and howl "He's home".  She was awesome.  Well 3 days ago, she started vomiting.  Her stomach is pretty sensitive so since we had been outside so much, I figured she ate too much grass or something, then 2 days ago, she threw up some rocks.  My thoughts, oh that's not good but then I thought maybe she would feel better, but she didn't.  By the end of that day, she was listless and still just a sick girl.  I even think Lizzy (my other doxie) knew because when I would leave the couch, Lizzy would get up walk around me and whine as if she was saying "don't leave her, she's not right". That night I hugged her as I put her in the kennel and prayed she would make it to the next morning.  I guess Tiana came up later that night and laid with her a bit.  So yesterday I called the vet.  After I made the appt, she threw up some more rocks and at that point I knew things were bad.  The appt was for 3:15 but at noon the vet called and asked if we could come in earlier because they were concerned.  So I took her in and they had me drop her off for x-rays.  They said it would be 45 minutes but in about 20 they called me to come back.  Well, the xrays were pretty impressive.  Molly's whole stomach was full of rocks including 4 or 5 that were in her intestines.  She has never eaten rocks before so why she did this, I don't know why she did this but she did.  The vet said there were way to many to make her throw up so there were two options, surgery and putting her down.  The surgery option came with some issues.  Molly has a heart murmur and when they took the xrays, they could see that her heart was enlarge which means heart disease which is not good for anesthesia.  Then there is the past history of stroke, her age and other risk factors.  The vet was willing to try but it was likely that she might not survive the surgery or recover, so I made the best choice I could.  It was so hard, I don't give up easily on my pets, and I will spend money I don't have on them but it just didn't make sense.  So we put her down, I held her in my arms and told her what an awesome dog she was and watched her slip away.

Well this morning, Simba and Lizzy are unusually whiny.  Simba has been meowing all morning until just recently and Lizzy walks around looking for Molly and whining and it makes me sad.  Then I went to the doctor and waited an hour because she was delivering a baby and then had her rush me around so I got nowhere and it has just gone down hill from there.  It is what it is but I am emotionally exhausted and just want to lay in my bed for a week and cry.  I guess, luckily or not, it is a good thing that I have the girls to keep me up and about.

There is a hole in my heart and as I sit here on the couch, I feel very alone.  She was my baby girl and I will miss her dearly.  RIP Molly!